Paying and Paying still

Retiro pregnant girl

Paying and paying still 

for years lived in fear and obsession.


Paying even in advance 

for a past, present and future loss

which will never stop to be lost

never stop to be regretted.


Again and again I give myself 

many reasons and excuses 

which are soothing my heart for a moment

but not for long.


How could you even formulate the words:

“You always did what you wanted anyway!”

This was the deadly blow to my phantasy.

I am glad you did it: I am free!


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